wanna go halves on a baby?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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