Are we in a gay sports bar?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh god it's open bar.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
