so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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