you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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