i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
