I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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