I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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