i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
