the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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