Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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