I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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