I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
