8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can text with my tongue
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
