Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
