I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All I want is dick and wine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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