I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
