theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
