i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've blown a few things in my day
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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