did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
