I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
