It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
