On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
