No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
