am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
