The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
