I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i've created a new STD.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
