They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
