I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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