nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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