Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
