So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
