u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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