woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
