Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
