this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
