You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no you cant smoke seaweed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
