"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
smell my finger.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
