Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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