Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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