I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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