They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
