My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
