When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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