I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
