I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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