i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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