Do you still have your period?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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