why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
