I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
