this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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