I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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