I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
