He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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