I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
