New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
false alarm. still invincible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize