life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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