i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
