Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
