This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
being pregnant is like rehab
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My liver just had a heart attack.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
