Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize