i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
