Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
