I think my vagina is haunted
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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