were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
