Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
