drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
