Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
