i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
