dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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