I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
