I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this beer tastes like vomit already
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
