he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
