This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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