dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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