i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize