It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
