True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Watching her eat just hurts me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize