Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
