Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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