when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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