based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
