I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
