Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
