Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
