i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
