Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize