this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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