Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
