Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
