he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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