My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
