Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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