Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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