just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
