He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
