i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
