I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
